I ended it and messaged her five days later
stuck_in_the_loop · Posted 21 Aug 2026, 04:17
I keep doing this. I told her it was over on sunday because I just could not handle the waiting for a text back anymore. She just said okay. Nothing else. No fight, no trying to fix it. She just left my flat and that was that. I felt okay for like two days and then I got bored and lonely and panicked. I sent her a message on friday night just asking what she was doing. She replied instantly like nothing had happened. Now we are back to square one where we are seeing each other but nothing is official. I dont know why I did it. I hate that I feel so relieved just to have her talking to me again. I honestly dont even know what I want from her at this point. I just know I felt sick thinking she might be out with someone else. It has been almost three months of this cycle and I am so tired of my own brain. Anyway, sorry for the moan. Just needed to get this out.
What should they do? · 61 votes
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Replies (15)
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Delete her number right now. Seriously, just remove the temptation before you cave in again. Put your phone in a drawer for the weekend and go outside instead.
you are acting like a total child. honestly, imagine being the person who has to deal with your mood swings every time you feel a bit lonely. just leave her alone already.
im sorry, that sounds proper rubbish. being stuck in a loop like that is really tough, dont be too hard on yourself.
Ending the relationship and then contacting her five days later affected her as well as you. Before reaching out again, it may be fairer to decide what you are actually offering rather than using contact only to quiet the loneliness.
this made me cry. i did the exact same thing for a year with someone. it breaks your heart to realize you are the one keeping yourself stuck. it is so hard.
you are literally just keeping her as an emotional pacifier because you cant stand being on your own. sort yourself out mate.
wait, when she replied instantly that friday night, did she actually ask why you messaged her at all or did she just act like the breakup never happened?
I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain.
tbh i feel for the girl. you treated her like an on off switch for your own comfort. its really not fair on her to drag her into your head games every time you get bored on a friday night.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
I recognise the pull of going back when contact briefly makes the loneliness quieter. That does not mean you are weak; it means deleting the number may need to be paired with a plan for the moments when you most want the reassurance.
Calling the whole relationship toxic may be too simple. The clear problem is the repeated end-and-restart cycle, and both people need an honest conversation about whether anything has changed before slipping back into it again.
This made me emotional because I recognise the loop. I keep blocking and unblocking someone too, and the brief relief of contact makes it difficult to remember why I ended things. I am trying to plan for the lonely evenings instead of relying on willpower alone.