It was casual, clear and still mattered
OctoberTrainHome · Posted 16 Sep 2026, 07:04
I’m 42 and I’ve just finished five months of seeing someone without either of us wanting it to become a relationship. That sentence usually gets treated as the beginning of a disaster, so I wanted to write down one time when it wasn’t. We met in May. He was working near me on a temporary contract and returning to Glasgow in October. I had come out of a long relationship in January and did not want to plan another future with anybody. He did not want long distance and I did not want him to reconsider. We agreed that we were dating other people, although in practice neither of us did much. We normally met once a week. We did not meet families. We did meet a few friends because hiding would have felt stranger than just saying, “This is the person I’m seeing.” About six weeks in, we checked whether the arrangement still worked. Then we checked again in August because I noticed I was starting to dread October. I did not secretly want him to stay. I wanted time to stop passing, which is not quite the same thing. He left on Monday. We cooked at mine on Sunday, gave back the small collection of things we had accumulated and talked about whether we should stay friends. We decided not yet. Maybe later, after enough time that friendship would not be a way of continuing the same relationship by text. I cried after he left. I have also not messaged him asking whether we made a mistake. The ending hurts, but it does not make the five months dishonest or unhealthy. We wanted the same thing, kept asking whether we still wanted it and stopped when the arrangement reached the end we had known about from the beginning. I think I am posting because “casual” sometimes gets used to mean careless. This was not careless. It was limited. There is a difference.
What should they do? · 80 votes
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I like that you did not promise immediate friendship just to soften Sunday. Returning his things and allowing a real ending gives any later friendship a better chance of being something new.
The repeated check-ins are what make this feel careful rather than avoidant. You both knew the limit, noticed when the ending started to hurt and did not use that hurt to rewrite the agreement.
Crying after a clear, mutually chosen ending does not prove the arrangement was secretly unhealthy. Sometimes grief is simply the cost of something meaningful reaching its agreed limit.
Calling this cold misses the fact that both people named the limit, checked it twice and stopped when the agreed ending arrived. He did not move back under the impression that a relationship was waiting for him.
The ending hurts because the five months mattered, not because either person secretly broke the agreement. Choosing some distance before friendship sounds like another act of care rather than a rejection of what they had.
this hit home. i had a similar thing last year. i remember sitting in my kitchen after he left and feeling like i was grieving a ghost. it was just so lovely while it lasted and you dont stop feeling things just cause the calendar says its over. i needed to read this today.
The line between limited and careless is important. You both kept checking whether the arrangement still worked, and choosing distance before friendship protected the ending you had agreed to.
They say neither person dated much, but the option remained part of the agreement. Weekly dates and sadness at the ending do not turn a mutually limited arrangement into a hidden commitment.
This is a useful reminder that a relationship can end sadly without having failed. The five months were limited, but both of you kept choosing them honestly until the agreed ending arrived.
I had a relationship with a known moving date too, and the ending felt like relief and heartbreak at the same time. Sadness did not mean the agreement had been dishonest.
Five months with a known ending was not necessarily wasted. They both chose the arrangement, checked that it still worked and ended it honestly when the agreed limit arrived.
The ending can hurt even when both people were careful and honest. I think taking real distance before attempting friendship respects what the five months meant.
made me tear up too. it hurts because it was good, not because it was broken. i still miss mine even if it was never going anywhere.
He knew the arrangement was limited and chose it too. Feeling sad when the contract ended does not make either person a placeholder, especially when they checked in about the limit more than once.
With the move three months away, pretending the date is not coming will make the ending harder to handle. A check-in does not have to turn the arrangement into a relationship; it can clarify how you both want to use the remaining time.
Five months that both people wanted were not nothing simply because they ended. The post is honest that a limited relationship can matter without needing to become permanent to justify the time.
Five months can matter even when it was never meant to become permanent. They agreed on the limit, checked it twice and ended without using grief as evidence that the arrangement had been dishonest.
A fling that reaches its agreed ending has not necessarily gone nowhere. The post describes a limited connection that both people chose and cared for.
this made me proper well up. i had a summer thing years back that ended exactly like this and it still stings to read. you guys handled it way better than i did, mine ended in a massive row because i was scared of it finishing. you did good.
Knowing the end date can still make the final weeks painful. The useful difference here is that neither person treated that pain as permission to rewrite the original agreement.
Knowing the end date can make each week feel counted without making it dishonest. The poster is grieving a real connection and still respecting the limit they both chose.
Crying after a temporary relationship ends does not prove the agreement failed. It shows that care and a known ending can exist at the same time.
this proper made me cry. i had something just like this last summer, knowing the date it would end made the goodbye feel so much heavier.
read this and just sobbed tbh. i was in a setup like that for six months and we both knew it was temporary, but still, losing that person felt like the ground falling away.
honestly what is the point of this post. you knew he was leaving, you knew it was casual, so stop moaning about it. if you wanted something serious then dont date someone with a return ticket to glasgow. its just basic common sense really.
stop romanticising a situationship that clearly left you miserable.
honestly just bin the routine you guys had for a bit. take that one night a week you used to see him and book yourself into a class or a pub quiz with your mates instead. break the habit of waiting for his name on your phone.
exactly this. casual doesnt mean u just stop having feelings like a robot. u were just being present, which is actually really brave tbh. ignore the people saying you should have known better. feelings dont work on a schedule.
wait did you ever actually meet his friends in glasgow or were they just random ones you bumped into near you?
this is so lovely. honestly just feels like you guys respected each other so much. sorry it hurts right now but you should be proud of how you handled it. it sounds like a really honest little chapter in your life.
what a load of absolute bollocks. why are you people acting like wasting five months on someone leaving for scotland is some sort of win? you just dragged out the inevitable and made yourself sad for no reason.