--- title: "We are romantic partners. We are not a sexual couple | A Situationship Story | TheGreyZones" url: https://thegreyzones.com/stories/romantic-partners-not-sexual-couple description: "A real, anonymous situationship story: I’m 54 and my partner is 57. We are both women and have been together for nearly two years.\n\nWe are romantic partners. W" lang: en --- # We are romantic partners. We are not a sexual couple numb_waiting_94 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/numb_waiting_94) · Posted 2 Oct 2026, 07:02 I'm not ready 1–2 years 50+ Woman & Woman I’m 54 and my partner is 57. We are both women and have been together for nearly two years. We are romantic partners. We are not a sexual couple. That sentence seems to make other people much more uncomfortable than it makes us. She told me early on that she is asexual. I asked a lot of clumsy questions, mostly because I did not want to assume what that meant for her. She likes kissing, sleeping in the same bed and physical affection. She does not want sex. I had come out of a marriage where sex had become a duty neither of us discussed. I did not want to recreate that with anyone. I also did not know whether I would miss it. So we did not make enormous promises. We dated. We checked in. We agreed that either of us could say the relationship no longer worked without turning that into an accusation. For the first six months I probably asked too often whether she was secretly tolerating kissing for me. She probably asked too often whether I was secretly waiting for her to change. Neither was true. What we have is not friendship with nicer bedding. We are in love. We are exclusive because neither of us wants another romantic or sexual relationship. We spend four nights a week together, know each other’s children and have keys to both houses. She leaves half-read crime novels everywhere. I make tea and forget to drink it. Last month we changed our emergency contacts and wrote down what we would want if one of us was in hospital. That felt more intimate to me than several things I used to call intimacy. The awkward part is other people. One friend asked whether I was “giving up that side of myself” because I was frightened of dating. My sister once referred to us as companions and then looked surprised when I said girlfriend. Her friends have asked whether I will eventually want permission to sleep with somebody else. Those are not ridiculous questions once. They become irritating when our answers are treated as temporary. We did have one difficult conversation in August. I had made a joke at dinner about us being an old married couple without the marriage or sex. She laughed in the restaurant and cried later. She thought the joke meant I saw our relationship as missing two important things. I thought I was making fun of the checklist people keep applying to us. We talked properly the next morning. I apologised for making our private agreement into a public punchline. She admitted she still sometimes waits for me to announce that affection is no longer enough. Nothing dramatic changed after that. We did decide that I would stop explaining our sex life to curious friends. “We are happy together” is a full answer. Maybe one of us will want something different later. That is true in every relationship, even the ones following the standard script. For now, there is no person waiting for more and no person withholding it. Tonight she is coming over with the dog and the second half of a detective series I dislike. I will complain about the plot and move her bookmark when I tidy up. She will accuse me of losing her page on purpose. It is not a friendship we are pretending is a relationship. It is the relationship we chose. What should they do? · 27 votes Log in (https://thegreyzones.com/login) or create a free account (https://thegreyzones.com/register) to vote and reply. ## Replies (14) Be honest. Be kind. No real names. Log in (https://thegreyzones.com/login) to reply. full_answer (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/full_answer)3 Oct 2026, 07:08 The line about not explaining your sex life to curious friends is the bit. “We are happy together” really is a full answer. cynical_observer (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/cynical_observer)4 Oct 2026, 03:04 You are just pretending this is normal when it is clearly not. Stop complaining about people asking questions when your whole life setup is a bit bizarre. quietly_specific (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/quietly_specific)3 Oct 2026, 07:08 I can see why the joke hurt even though you meant it as criticism of the checklist, not the relationship. Apologising without making her prove again that the arrangement works seems more useful than debating intent. curiouscat99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/curiouscat99)3 Oct 2026, 20:02 The post mentions her partner bringing a dog, but no cat. The stronger point is that their ordinary routines, family involvement and emergency planning already show what commitment looks like for them. honest_truth_teller (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/honest_truth_teller)5 Oct 2026, 20:08 She made one joke, understood why it hurt, apologised and changed how she discusses their private agreement. That does not show boredom or contempt for her partner. let_it_count (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/let_it_count)3 Oct 2026, 07:08 The repeated check-ins in the first six months sound understandable, but reassurance can become another test if it never settles. At some point both of you have to let the stated agreement count until somebody says it has changed. four_nights (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/four_nights)3 Oct 2026, 07:08 Emergency contacts, family involvement and four nights a week are concrete commitments. Sex would not make those more real, and its absence does not turn the relationship into a friendship. teaandbiscuits (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/teaandbiscuits)3 Oct 2026, 20:02 Curiosity from friends is understandable once. Repeatedly treating their answer as temporary is the intrusive part, which is why “we are happy together” is enough. honest_truth_seeker (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/honest_truth_seeker)3 Oct 2026, 20:53 I think you are being a bit unfair to your partner here. You made a joke about her being missing a piece, then act like her crying is just some hurdle to get over. She has every right to worry. tea_and_biscuit (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/tea_and_biscuit)4 Oct 2026, 03:22 Honestly, stop trying to justify your life to your sister and friends. Next time they ask, just change the subject to something boring like the weather or your electric bill. It stops the conversation dead. teacup_ghost (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/teacup_ghost)5 Oct 2026, 20:08 The keys, family involvement and emergency planning make their commitment visible. They do use labels—partners and girlfriends—so the strength of this story is not living without labels but choosing a relationship without sex. soft_landing (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/soft_landing)5 Oct 2026, 20:08 The ordinary routines do matter. The post also shows that they still check in when an old fear surfaces, rather than pretending a chosen arrangement can never need another conversation. honest_truth_seeker (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/honest_truth_seeker)6 Oct 2026, 13:02 The restaurant joke hurt because it made their private agreement sound like a missing-parts list in public. The important repair was that the poster apologised, listened and stopped treating their sex life as material for other people. teaandbiscuits99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/teaandbiscuits99)7 Oct 2026, 07:16 this proper made me cry. my partner and i have had a similar setup for years and people just dont get it. its lovely to see someone else just being happy in their own way without needing the world to sign off on it.