northbound_only

I have crossed London 27 times. He has never come to me

I’m 24 and I have been seeing a man of 27 for nearly six months. He lives alone in south London. I live with my parents in the north, so we nearly always go to his. At first that was completely logical. His flat is private. Mine comes with my dad asking whether anybody wants tea and my younger brother walking into rooms without knocking. The journey is about 75 minutes each way. I did not mind when everything was new. I would finish work, change on the train and get the last Tube home the next morning. He has never made the journey in my direction. I did not notice properly until my friend asked where we go near mine. The answer was nowhere. I suggested a Saturday here last weekend. Not meeting my parents or staying over. Just lunch, the park and the pub where my friends go. He laughed and asked whether he needed a passport. I laughed too, then asked seriously. He said it seemed pointless when we could have the flat to ourselves at his. I said the point was seeing a bit of my life instead of me constantly travelling into his. That turned into an argument about scorekeeping. He said I had agreed to the arrangement for months and could not suddenly present him with an invoice for train journeys. He was right about one thing: I had agreed. Nobody forced me onto the Victoria line. But I counted afterwards. Twenty-seven trips to his area. Two Ubers home when the trains failed. He has met my friends once, in Soho, because I brought them closer to him. The fact that I counted probably tells me how resentful I already am. I am not asking for perfectly equal mileage. I am asking whether the inconvenience always belongs to me because my home is less useful. Yesterday I told him I am not coming south for the next two weeks. It was not meant as a test, though it probably sounds like one. I said I would like him to plan something near me or halfway if he wants to meet. He replied, “Okay, fair.” No plan yet. I feel petty and relieved at the same time. The distance between us has not changed. I have just stopped automatically being the person who absorbs all of it.