stuck_in_the_cycle

I ended it and messaged them back

I ended it last week and told them I just could not handle the grey area anymore. It was really hard but I genuinely thought I was finally out of this loop. We had been doing this for two years (sorry this is long, just trying to explain) and it felt like I was constantly giving everything I had to make them feel comfortable and safe. Anyway, it lasted exactly four days before I messaged them again because I missed them too much. Now we are back to exactly how things were before I pulled the plug. I feel like such a fool because I know nothing has changed and they still have no intention of actually committing to anything real. It is just constant texts about their day and me being there to listen when they are stressed. I just do not know how to stop myself from reaching out. I keep telling myself I deserve more but then I see a notification and I am back to square one. It is honestly exhausting. I just wanted to get this out because my friends are probably bored of hearing about it at this point. Sorry for the essay, just really needed to put it somewhere.