stuckinthisloop

i keep staying because the weekends are actually good

I feel like a total idiot typing this out, and I know how it sounds. People probably look at me and think I should know better by now. I have been seeing them for a few months, maybe four or five, and it is just this constant back and forth. They are not ready for anything serious, but then we spend the whole weekend together and it is perfect. We go for walks, we cook, we watch rubbish telly and it feels like a real relationship. I know it isnt, and I know I am setting myself up to be hurt eventually, but I cannot seem to leave. Last night we were just sitting on the sofa and I felt so happy, but then I remembered they told me last week they do not want to be anyone's partner. I just sat there feeling embarrassed that I was still there. I am just clinging onto the good bits even though the rest of the time I feel like I am just waiting for a text back. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I just needed to say it somewhere because I am tired of pretending to my friends that I am not bothered by it all.