i keep staying because the weekends are actually good
I feel like a total idiot typing this out, and I know how it sounds. People probably look at me and think I should know better by now. I have been seeing them for a few months, maybe four or five, and it is just this constant back and forth. They are not ready for anything serious, but then we spend the whole weekend together and it is perfect. We go for walks, we cook, we watch rubbish telly and it feels like a real relationship. I know it isnt, and I know I am setting myself up to be hurt eventually, but I cannot seem to leave. Last night we were just sitting on the sofa and I felt so happy, but then I remembered they told me last week they do not want to be anyone's partner. I just sat there feeling embarrassed that I was still there. I am just clinging onto the good bits even though the rest of the time I feel like I am just waiting for a text back. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I just needed to say it somewhere because I am tired of pretending to my friends that I am not bothered by it all.
5 votes 2 repliesstuckinthisloop
we went away for the weekend and it broke
So this happened last weekend. We went away together for two days and it was just really quiet. It was only two months of seeing each other but I thought things were going alright. We got to the hotel and he just kind of went into his own world. I kept trying to talk or plan something to do, but he just wanted to sit in the room. It felt like I was just there for him to not be alone. We didnt really have much to say to each other once we were stuck in that small space. Anyway, he kept saying he was tired and just needed a break from work. I get that, but it felt like he didnt want me there at all. It was just weirdly cold. We spent more time looking at our phones than talking. I think I finally realised that there is nothing here for me. I just feel a bit numb now. It is just over and I dont really want to message him again. It was supposed to be nice but it was just boring and empty. Sorry for the essay, just needed to get it out.
7 votes 2 repliesnumb_at_midnight
I have crossed London 27 times. He has never come to me
I’m 24 and I have been seeing a man of 27 for nearly six months.
He lives alone in south London. I live with my parents in the north, so we nearly always go to his.
At first that was completely logical. His flat is private. Mine comes with my dad asking whether anybody wants tea and my younger brother walking into rooms without knocking.
The journey is about 75 minutes each way. I did not mind when everything was new. I would finish work, change on the train and get the last Tube home the next morning.
He has never made the journey in my direction.
I did not notice properly until my friend asked where we go near mine. The answer was nowhere.
I suggested a Saturday here last weekend. Not meeting my parents or staying over. Just lunch, the park and the pub where my friends go.
He laughed and asked whether he needed a passport.
I laughed too, then asked seriously.
He said it seemed pointless when we could have the flat to ourselves at his. I said the point was seeing a bit of my life instead of me constantly travelling into his.
That turned into an argument about scorekeeping.
He said I had agreed to the arrangement for months and could not suddenly present him with an invoice for train journeys. He was right about one thing: I had agreed. Nobody forced me onto the Victoria line.
But I counted afterwards. Twenty-seven trips to his area. Two Ubers home when the trains failed. He has met my friends once, in Soho, because I brought them closer to him.
The fact that I counted probably tells me how resentful I already am.
I am not asking for perfectly equal mileage. I am asking whether the inconvenience always belongs to me because my home is less useful.
Yesterday I told him I am not coming south for the next two weeks. It was not meant as a test, though it probably sounds like one. I said I would like him to plan something near me or halfway if he wants to meet.
He replied, “Okay, fair.”
No plan yet.
I feel petty and relieved at the same time.
The distance between us has not changed. I have just stopped automatically being the person who absorbs all of it.
6 votes 1 repliesnorthbound_only